The End of the Beginning

I really can't deal with all these endings. This will be my last blog post as an NYU Student Blogger. So much has happened in the past two years, and this blog has given me a space to reflect and develop important connections with you, my readers. Thank you so much for being a part of this important feature of my education and personal growth.

I am struggling to figure out what I could possibly say that would sum up my feelings towards my time as a BSW student coming to an end. (It doesn't help that there is so much going on in our world right now! I can't deal.)

I guess I should first tell you a little bit about my plans for the future (yes, I'm finally ready to talk.) I was accepted into an advanced standing MSW program in Philadelphia, but I have decided that I will (most likely) be turning it down so that I can pursue a full-time BSW job. I haven't been offered any jobs yet, but I am super excited about my decision. It just feels right to be taking my time with my education, and looking for opportunities to develop my social work practice so that I can get even more out of my future graduate education. I love social work a lot, and I'm sure that I want to stay in this field, but I want to take some time to work and learn more about myself and the field before I go for an MSW or another grad degree. I am also really looking forward to using all the knowledge that I have acquired from my NYU experience as I enter into a BSW-level position. I am so excited to immerse myself into the field whole-heartedly.

I guess I will leave you with some things that I have learned from my wisest teachers of the past four years: my clients. This, among so many things, is what they taught me:

People are capable of so much more than we tend to give them credit for.

The ability to truly listen to and be present with someone can move mountains.

Thank you to my clients, my peers and colleagues, my friends and family, my teachers, and everyone who has brought me to this important moment in my life. I have grown so much in the past four years, and I am so grateful to every single person who challenged me, motivated me, and supported me. Thank you to my readers for bearing witness to it all. I wish all of you nothing but the best. Congratulations to my fellow graduates! Let's go change the world now.

I've been avoiding writing this blog post. Not because there is nothing to write about - there is SO much to write about - but because I have been reflecting on all of the happenings in my life that it is making me feel...weird.

I remember learning in one of many psychology class about motivation. While most people imagine that a stress-free life would be pretty awesome, researchers say that it is important for people to have sort of a mid-level, healthy amount of stress. Stress sucks a lot of the time, but some stress can motivate a person and help them to maintain a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Maybe this is a weird connection to be making, but I feel like getting the most out of endings requires us to be both excited about and a little bit fearful of what the future holds. While it is wonderful and important to be so excited and ready for our next step, it is also important and very human to be a little bit scared about what that next step entails. I feel like I often want to protect myself by "checking out" of what I'm doing now and focusing on the future, but I wonder if this is really healthy for me. That fear of the unknown makes me want to embrace my current situation and soak up as much of the present as possible. While all of the reflection that I've been engaging in scares me and is incredibly emotional, it is such an important part of this ending process. It is what will allow me to take all that I have learned in this part of my life into the next part.

I will hopefully be ready to share with you my plans for the future very soon, but for now, I encourage everyone, especially my graduating readers, to engage in some important reflection during this time. What has been meaningful for you this year (or in all the years of this part of your life)? What will you take with you into your next step?

A couple weeks ago I accompanied some students from my residence hall to see the Bodies exhibit at the South Street Seaport. The exhibit uses real human cadavers and body parts from cadavers to educate those who view the exhibit about the beauty of the human body, as well as how important it is to do everything we can to keep our bodies healthy.

I had heard beforehand that the Bodies exhibit was quite controversial - many speculate about where the bodies displayed in the exhibit actually come from, and some say it is just unethical and disrespecful to have the bodies just one display and dissected for all to see. I personally went into the exhibit focusing less on the ethics and more on the scientific value of the exhibit. I assumed that the bodies must have been donated to science. More power to those people who wanted their bodies to help educate others!

Little did I know, I was in for a rude awakening. A staff member at Bodies gave us an introduction to the exhibit and its history. He explained that the 16 full cadavers that were on display were bodies that were abandoned at the morgue - no family members had come to the morgue to claim the body. These bodies were subsequently donated to science by the morgue.

Immediately, this made me uncomfortable. As we walked through the exhibit, I felt very emotional. The people who these bodies belonged to did not necesarily intend for this to happen to their bodies. They did not voluntarily donate them to science. It seemed so exploitative. I thought about the many clients who I have worked with who have little or no connection to their families. Did these bodies belong to people who were homeless? Immigrants? Missing? Either way, these bodies were left alone.

I think that the exhibit did take some measures to show respect for the bodies - for example, no pphotographs were allowed to be taken in the exhibit. But there were some parts of the exhibit that seems unnecessarily exploitative. For example, the bodies were positioned in ways that were kind of disrespectful - I won't go into detail, since some of you might plan on visiting the exhibit, but I think that the message of "Bodies" would have been just as effective if the Bodies were posed more naturally.

I'm glad that I went to the exhibit, and I definitely would encourage others to check it out. Bodies definitely challenged me to think differently about my typically enthusiastic support of all things that can promote education and health. How much of an impact does Bodies really have on the people who have seen it? Is that impact worth potentially exploiting and disrespecting these mysterious bodies?

A lot to think about. Damn you social work school. I don't have time for all this reflection.

This week at NYU is Ally Week, a week where NYU students are encouraged to stand up as allies for oppressed groups and individuals. NYU defines an ally as "someone who works as an advocate for an oppressed group to which they may or may not belong." Since I am an RA, I was encouraged by ResLife to participate in this week by pledging to be an ally and encouraging others to do so, wearing an Ally Week t-shirt, and possibly attending an Ally Week event. But after an Undoing Racism workshop, a RISE conference, four years of classes and field experience involving social justice, and a lifetime of identifying as a woman of color, I chose not to participate in the week. Here is my argument:

1) Having an entire week that focuses on allies takes away from the individual movements of oppressed groups. By putting so much focus on allies, we continue to oppress these groups. It is a good thing for people who don't identify with certain oppressed groups to stand in solidarity with the group, but we must always remember that the power of these movements lies within the oppressed individuals, not their privileged allies.

2) A person cannot necessarily identify themselves as an ally for all groups that are oppressed. Unfortunately, there is so much oppression in our country and in the world, that it is somewhat unrealistic to have an in depth understanding of the struggle of each of these groups. It seems almost unethical to identify as an ally for so many diverse groups when we cannot necessarily claim to be informed of all of them.

3) The term "ally" is unnecessary and kind of oppressive. To receive the title of "ally" (this week "allies" also received t-shirts, buttons, and lollipops) just for being a person who is trying to understand their own privilege and stand in solidarity with oppressed groups allows "allies" to be glorified and almost benefit from the existing oppression. And in my opinion, if you are someone who is trying to understand your own privilege and power and stand in solidarity with certain oppressed groups, you are a good human being. There's really no need for a special title.

I shared my feelings about Ally Week with my supervisors and my co-RAs, and it was all super well received. I definitely think that the idea of Ally Week has really great, important intentions, but I think that it could have been executed in ways that are more positive for these many oppressed groups.

This blog post states a lot of my feelings about the term "ally" way better than I ever could Do you have any thoughts about Ally Week? I would love to hear from you!

As most of you are aware, I am still in the process of trying to decide what I will be doing after I graduate from my BSW program at NYU Silver. In my practice class and a social work get-together yesterday, my peers and I talked about our plans (or plans in the making) for after graduation. Although many have decided to enroll in MSW programs for the year, a lot of us are seriously considering taking time to explore other options, including different graduate school programs, BSW-level social work jobs, or job opportunities in different fields. I thought that I would highlight some of these awesome opportunities, and how relevant certain BSW skills are to these opportunities.

Service programs
A few of my BSW peers have been accepted into Teach for America, a two-year program that seeks to reinvigorate underpriveleged schools by training and placing college graduates of all academic backgrounds into teaching positions. The program is founded upon ideas like innovation, cultural responsiveness and meeting individuals where they are. TFA teachers also enjoy lots of benefits, such as a full salary and assistance with obtaining one's master's degree in education. Other service organizations with similar values as TFA are the Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, and City Year, among many other smaller or private organizations. BSW students have a huge advantage applying for theise types of programs due to our experiences in the field and the socially just and person-centered values that have been instilled in us.

BSW-level employment at social work organizations
BSW jobs do exist! All sorts of organizations are actively searching for BSW students to fulfill their needs. Whether you are interested in direct service, community organizing, or research, there is a need for BSW students in many positions. I used to think that BSW students were extremely limited in their job search and could only apply for positions in areas such as case management. But after beginning my own job search, I've found that lots of organizations are starting to become more aware of the vast array of skills that BSW students have and how relevant these skills are to diverse positions. If you're looking for a BSW-level job I've found that www.idealist.org is a great website to get you started.

Post-graduate education other than the MSW

Some of my peers are also enrolled in or considering going for graduate degrees in other fields. My friend Jackie is going to Columbia for her master's in public health after graduation. I've also met social work students who are planning on going to medical school or law school in the future. Some are looking to get teaching degrees or nursing degrees. Others are looking into master's of business or public administration degrees, often hoping to become social entrepreneurs. I completely believe that a BSW education equips students with skills that would allow them to succeed in so many different educational programs. Our desire to make life better for individuals and communities through our work is impressive and desirable to schools. Our empathy and resourcefulness, among many other skills, make us assets to these programs.

Don't get me wrong - I definitely want to continue my social work education at some point in life, through an MSW program or another similar graduate program. But it's exciting to become more aware of all of the opportunities that are available to myself and my peers after we graduate. Even though many of the employment positions that I would prefer require an MSW, it's wrong for me to think that I can't contribute to the social work field with a BSW. As I've stressed to consumers at my vocational group at my field placement, you can go really far in careers, schools, anything, if you are aware of your strengths and able to highlight them. I've acquired so many skills and ideas from my BSW education, and I'm thrilled to apply them to whatever it is that I end up doing after graduation.

Throughout the year, I have blogged extensively about my struggle to decide whether or not I want to spend next year working at a BSW level job or go right to grad school to get my MSW. Well, it's nearly April now, and believe it or not, I still don't know what I'm doing next year! I have applied to grad school and am in the process of applying to some BSW jobs, but I haven't heard back from anything yet. And do you want to know the craziest part of all this? I'm not freaking out yet.

I think that there are a lot of things that have happened in my life this year that have resulted in my calm state of mind during this crazy time of year, but a couple things definitely stick out to me. I have talked with countless friends, mentors, and professors about my grad school-work dilemma. Although they all have different educational backgrounds and opinions about what is best, they have all told me that I really can't go wrong regardless of the decision that I make. Grad school and work are both opportunities for learning and growth. Either way, I'm not going to screw up my life based on this decision.

The importance and power of reflection has also been deeply instilled in me this year (maybe there was some value in all that process recording...). I have a lot of great stuff going on in my life this year - including but not limited to a deeper appreciation and love for the social work profession, exciting growth in my relationships with my partner, friends, and family, and graduation from four amazing years of learning. I wrote a few posts back about how much I want to commit myself to appreciating these good things that are happening. I think practicing this mindfulness has really helped me to remain calm about my future and take each day as it comes.

For those of you who are graduating, what are your thoughts about your future? How can we balance appreciating this exciting time in our lives with taking steps to organize our future plans?

So much can change in one week. Upon returning to my field placement after spring break, I was met with many changes that the agency has been undergoing. I won't go into detail (for privacy reasons), but in the week that I was away a lot of changes and moves happened with both staff members and consumers, and it looks like more changes will be coming in the next few weeks.

All of the changes this week have made me more aware that I will be ending my placement soon. By the time I end, it will have been nearly a year and a half since I began the placement. It will be a huge milestone as well as an important goodbye for me, and in bearing witness to the consumers' reactions to some of the recent changes, I'm realizing that my departure may have more of an effect than I might think.

I began the early stages of termination with some of my individual clients and groups this week (for me, that meant letting them know how much longer we would be able to work together and getting a rough idea of how they wanted to spend that time), and it definitely brought up a lot of mixed emotions for me. I was reminded of how much I care about the people that I work with (both staff and consumers) and how much I will miss them. I was excited by the idea that a new beginning would follow the end of this part of my life (although I'm still not yet sure what that beginning will look like...more on that later...). But most of all, I wondered what I will feel like when that last day of placement really does come. Will I cry? What, if anything, will my clients have accomplished through our work? And most of all, will I feel as though I have truly made an impact on this agency?

Right now I am going to do my best to focus on preparing my consumers for my departure and making sure that our final weeks are as productive as possible. But I am definitely feeling a lot of emotions during the termination process (it doesn't help that "termination" just sounds like a scary word), and I'm hoping that my own self-awareness and reflection will help me through the process.

I was able to spend another wonderful spring break with my partner - as always, we really needed some togetherness time, as well as some time away from both of our work. I'm happy to say that I think that we thoroughly enjoyed and made the most out of every minute we spent together. We seemed to naturally focus on the present moment, and how much we loved just being together.

It sucks to be apart again and back to hectic work schedules (and midterms and a looming graduation for me) but I'm really proud of myself for choosing not to spend my break worrying about the stressful things that I'm coming back to now, particularly the looming graduation. Instead, I just focused on being happy doing exactly what I was doing, and let me tell you, it was pretty amazing.

Being mindful and appreciative of the present moment is something that I've worked on personally for a really long time. (I have also encountered many clients, friends, students, coworkers...who are working on it as well.). And as hard as it is to focus on happiness in the midst of finals and my unpredicable post-graduation future, I am taking a vow (you are my witnesses!) to try to be mindful and appreciative of my life as it is this very moment. And when I take the time for it, it's not hard to think about all that I have to be appreciative of. I have just spent an amazing week with someone who I love. I am close to graduating, meaning that I will have completed four challenging, yet life-changing years at NYU. And right now, the sun is shining outside my window. At least for today, I won't let my worries allow me to waste all of these joys.

This week in my practice class we are studying cognitive behavioral therapy, a form of practice that emerges from the idea that our thoughts, not our environment or experiences, are what control our feelings and behaviors. If we change the way that we think about our environment and experiences, we have the power to change the way that we feel and act. It's pretty powerful stuff.

One of our assigments this week was to complete a CBT worksheet that would help us to identify and deconstruct our own maladaptive thoughts. After completing the worksheet and talking about it in class, it was definitely clear that even I am guilty of beating myself up with my thoughts at times, and for no valid reasons. I found that the things I worry about, like making mistakes at my internship, were being blown out of proportion. Of course I will make mistakes - I'm a student - and when I do make mistakes, it probably won't be as disastrous as I l let myself think it will be.

While I think that it is incredibly important for social workers and students to seek out their own therapy and self care activities, the lessons on CBT were a nice reminder that much of what I learn in social work school can be personally therapeutic and beneficial. My practice class also recently discussed creative therapies, like yoga, meditation, and dance, as possibilities for our work with clients, but also for our own personal benefit. I definitely can't choose the most important lesson that I've learned in social work school, but one of them is certainly that I won't be able to be there for another human being if I'm not there for myself first. I will never be perfect at this - my maladaptive thoughts will come back at times (which is why therapy and self care is so important!) but if I continue to grow in my self-awareness, I will not let my bad stuff affect my social work practice.

This weekend I had the amazing privilege of attending an Undoing Racism Workshop through the People's Institute and generous funding from NYU Silver. Let me first say that I highly recommend the workshop to all social work students and social workers. Let me know if you need more info on how to get involved!
The two-day workshop gave me an opportunity to analyze and reflect on what a powerful force racism is in the work that I do, and gave me a better understanding of how racism dehumanizes all, regardless of if they are white or a person of color. The facilitators of the workshop empowered the group to consider how we can utilize community organizing techniques to work towards creating a world and a profession where we are not perpetuating racist institutions.
What made this workshop different from other conversations that I have had about racism, both inside and outside of the classroom, is that I felt as though I was given very real tools and to change the status quo. I am in a place now where it is not enough for me to just be aware of racism – the humanity of all people is lost because of racism, and that awareness gives me a reason to want to put myself out there and put myself at a certain level of criticism in order to undo racism.
At the end of the workshop, the group was given an amazing opportunity to meet with other members of their community (in my case, NYU Silver) to brainstorm some ways that we could undo racism in our own schools. We came up with a great list, including making better use of and expanding Silver’s Racial Diversity Coalition, being advocates and allies to peers who may be feeling silenced in the classroom, and taking every opportunity to incorporate multiculturalism into our educations, such as through research opportunities and independent studies.
All in all, the workshop was invigorating and eye-opening. I am really excited to join the movement against racism, and I’m looking forward to sharing more with all of you!