My review went pretty well and I am excited, as it was a boost to keep going... Endless nights without sleep paid back after all and I am happy.
So, summarizing the review -from Patricia's and Myles' comment sheets & my schoolmates helpful notes.
Some general comments...
- They liked the concept, the design, the sound fx and the music. For the latter I should get clearance -something that I am already working on, hopefully I will get some responses soon.
- The short is quite long :D so I should try to squeeze it a bit.
- Regarding the design I should try to incorporate my drawings in the final look of my piece to add a more artistic flavor.
The truth is that although I want to experiment on the final look, it never occurred to me to use my sketches in doing that. So Patricia & Myles revealed a total new path. The truth is I always thought of my sketches as quite good but not good enough. Their comments helped to get some confidence...
- There is lots of character animation and I should keep the rest of the elements simplified to keep production needs down.
That comment combined with the suggestion of using my drawings in the final look and the fact that I would like to experiment rather than do everything in the typical cg look could help me orientate and set some limits.
- I should also hit the story beats harder (finding through the binoculars the first spot at the crowded beach and that there is not enough space there, the finding of a new spot at the cliff's edge, the final realization that there is not enough room at the packed-from-his-own-stuff new place).
I believe that this will actually make the story stronger as these points are not as stressed as they should be in the animatic.
- I should have my character modeled before the end of the semester to start doing animation tests.
I have started already... Trying to find some time to work more on that...
... and more specific ones...
- I should reveal what he discovers at the edge of the cliff. Myles suggested to use a narrow perspective in POV to stress the distance and the size of the small beach, or use a dramatic shot showing from a distance their height and size relation.
I thought it would be easily implied since that was what he was looking for, but they are right. Myles' suggestion on the shot will stress the fact/gag, as he also noted, that he goes a long way up and down to gather his stuff on the beach.
- Patricia suggested to work on the bubble thoughts more in both occasions. At the first one, when he is thinking he just wants to lie down, I should try to make the billboard work more for my story. At the second one, when he realizes there is no room, this moment needs to weigh against the implication at the end of him having space finally in the open sea but being in danger because of the ship.
Maybe the billboard could turn into his dream bubble, with him lying on the sand with no one close and no props, some text also stressing that he just wants to lie down, in an advertising way... On the second bubble thought, I could have him try to lie down, struggle a bit, play also with the camera and the packed limited space, then have him look at the donut shaped inflatable and show him smiling implying that he has an idea.
- Although the ship is introduced when he looks through the binoculars, I should make it more obvious and stress the fact that there is a ship there to support more the gag at the end with the ship's horn.
When he looks through the binoculars in the beginning, while adjusting them he could see far away a close view of the ship and then adjust them again to see the beach.
Below are Patricia's and Myles' evaluation forms and comments sheets.
