My SSSW Doorknob Effect
So anyone looking at the last entry I wrote (was it really before spring break!?) and the time stamp on this entry (3:31 am) will know this means only one thing: the end of the semester is here. Life is chaotic, to say the least, and I am not really sure where to start this entry at all…
Well, no better place to start than a good, ole-fashioned rant! I swear if one more person tells me how “close” I am to graduation I am going to completely decompensate. Sure, the days may be flying by, but there is a monumental amount of work standing between me and that diploma. So if I can manage to write finals for policy and my integrative seminar, prepare for a policy debate, take my research exam, finish my independent study paper for publication, AND terminate with my clients by May 1st--then maybe I will be close to graduation.
To be honest though, it isn’t even the school work that is causing my stress level to skyrocket. After all, I have been writing finals and taking exams for years, and I have always felt at least slightly in control. No, it’s the job search that is distressing me so. No matter how many times I try to convince myself that everything will work out in the end, it just freaks me out beyond belief that I have no clue what I am doing come May. Seriously, it is keeping me up at night.
And, because I over-analyze everything in life, the job search is bringing up a whole new set of issues that I never saw coming. Each time my applications are not responded to or I am rejected from a job, my self esteem takes another hit. Every time my phone shows a telephone number I don’t know or signals that I got an email, my hopes go through the roof that someone is contacting me about a job. Needless to say, the last few weeks have been full of disappointment. I guess I never realized how much I am used to getting what I want. I don’t mean that I am spoiled-- I mean that I am determined. I am used to putting my mind to something and not giving up until I have succeeded; it is how I have gotten as far as I am today. But that stubborn ambition means nothing in the job search, there is only so much I can do. And right now, spending HOURS on each cover letter is driving me insane.
Wow! My rant just went on a very long time. I guess my mind has been going a mile a minute lately and my blog has to catch up. I want to write about termination in my next entry, but it is 3:30 am and I am going to sleep (hopefully).
Goodnight faithful readers, sweet dreams!