Interesting Times

My first job working in the field of mental health was at a residential treatment program for seriously disturbed children. I didn’t know what I was doing and my supervisor knew this. During one of my first supervisions she said, “fake it ‘till you make it.” So I did and I got pretty good at my job. For every job thereafter, I went in fairly clueless and faked knowing what I was doing until I could be successful for real.

This worked very well up until last September when placement started. Hearing that I would be working in a largely case management role, I was rather frustrated because I was concerned that I would be bored and, having worked quite a few different jobs in the social services, I knew I had enough basic skills to work my way through my internship without actually learning anything new.

Sometime during orientation I developed a theory that the best way for me to enjoy my internship was to turn it into the best learning experience possible. I decided to commit to being a student 100%, and bring as little of my previous experience to the job as possible. I was going to fake being a student, until I really got good at learning. In order to keep this commitment, I had to ask my supervisor, or other senior staff, every question I could think of, even if I was sure I knew the answer.

This was hard at first, as my natural inclination was to show off my abilities and prove my skills to anyone who would look. However, after a short while I found that I could easily sit on my own opinions and ask my supervisor before taking action. It was almost like working less hard because I didn’t need to be responsible for all of the solutions.

As the first semester moved on, I found that my old knowledge base had become supplemented by a range of different perspectives, allowing me to look at different cases from different viewpoints and create more thorough service plans. I also found that my interpersonal skills improved, because I would conference with my supervisor about exactly what to say to a client instead of just following my own gut instinct. Without seeking my supervisor’s advice, most of my learning would have been about what not to do, by making mistakes. Instead, I learned a lot about what works from practicing what others suggested.

The experience of committing fully to being a student and allowing others to guide me was quite new to me and I am deeply thankful for my experiences at my first year internship. Without putting aside my own ego, I would not have had such a wonderful year. I am so ready to try it again.

This past week had a lot of ups and downs for me, as I imagine it might have for many others. I found myself drained of energy and inspiration after my first classes and I was concerned that this would last the semester. I was spoiled last year by fantastic, passionate professors and fantastic, passionate classmates.

This year, many of my classmates and friends seem prematurely exhausted and lacking the inspired focus of last year. This started to rub off on me before class even started and I found my thoughts slipping towards pessimism. Some of my professors also seemed to lack the passion towards social work that I loved from last year.

Luckily for me, I had a supportive friend from school over the other night. By just talking about life and school I felt more empowered and I decided to switch up my class schedule to take some different professors. I also was able to take on some of her excitement about the upcoming year and am feeling pretty inspired (inspired enough to blog! WOOHOO!).

I have found it vital to my well being to develop friendships with other students passionate for social work. Meeting people passionate about policy reform, environmental sustainability, crisis intervention, gerontology, hospice and end of life care inspires me to focus on my passion: serious mental illness. I love how so many different fields merge into the realm of social work. I love how we strive for fairness and distributive justice.

My friends and colleagues were a great support during the struggles of last year and I am so grateful to join them in class again this year. Looking forward, I have little doubt that many of us will leave our exhaustion behind once placement starts and we remember how much we love social work.

I just saw The Dirty Three last night for the third time and it was a fantastic show. They don't tour much, nor do they produce new albums, so the show was special. They played a ton of songs I used to listen to when I was an undergrad. Also, Nick Cave appeared on stage after about an hour in and that was cool. What a great night!

Now some of you might ask: what does having fun have to do with social work?

This instance is an example of me doing something I knew I would enjoy. I already knew I liked this band, and I knew it would make me feel pretty happy to see them in concert. It's important for me to do things I know I enjoy because I have so few nights free. Between sleeping and reading copious amounts of articles, I don't always remember to have fun.

It also connects with safety planning. At some agencies, when contracting for safety, the plan will include ways that one might redirect ones-self without another person around to talk to for support. For some people this might include listening to music, playing basketball or reading a book. This part of safety planning is important because it allows a person to proactively reduce their own anxiety; an incredible skill to develop.

The point is that having a good time is an important aspect of keeping ones-self emotionally healthy. For a social work student taking on numerous stressful tasks (school, internship, romance) life can be quite overwhelming. By taking self care, and doing things that I know I enjoy, I can release some of my stress and be a better student and a better intern.

A theme has been running through the past couple weeks of my life. It's not entirely new. I encountered it in English class, sophomore year of high school, and have thought about it at times since then. Back then, Mr. Nelson would rant and rave about the difference between a disabling contradiction and an enabling paradox. He led me to believe that I could take any contradiction of logic, look at it from another point of view and find a lesson in it, thus turning it into a paradox. I believed him, until now.

Here is how the theme has manifested itself in my life recently. The first two examples are paradoxes where I've been learning important lessons. The last example is a contradiction that I can't wrap my head around and I have yet to find any lesson in it.

1) My practice class last week involved some discussion on using strength based practice techniques in a system focused on problems. They seem to counter act each other. Can an intervention truly be strength based when the focus is on a deficit? Of course it can. Reframe the situation and approach it knowing that for a client to arrive in front of you at any age, they have used innumerable strengths, skills and abilities just to survive as long as they have. Base the intervention on their strengths and recognize what has already been done. The problem gets smaller and the solutions seem more realistic.

2) At the RISE conference, a panelist suggested sitting with the idea of owning the history of social work. This means accepting the Friendly Visitors as a part of what social work is today. Looking around school and seeing classes made up primarily of wealthy, white, women, I get a pit in my stomach. Are we just a group of friendly visitors all over again? Maybe so, but that doesn't mean we can't be good social workers.

3) While reading some news I came across an article about a new cluster bomb developed in Massachusetts. This cluster bomb has thirty clusters, enough to decimate a number of tanks and cause all sorts of other horrific damage. There is a cluster bomb treaty (that the USA hasn't signed) that limits the amount of clusters in a cluster bomb to 10, in order to limit the impact on civilians post battle. So this new bomb, can't really be used or sold to other countries.

The makers, Textron, have started a campaign to stop the treaty (with support from the state department and pentagon), and they have a new website. The name of this website is the most ridiculous, absurd, mind boggling contradiction I have ever seen: www.dontbanthesolution.com WHAT?!?!? "the solution" A cluster bomb is the solution? Is a new bomb ever the solution? Developing the nuclear bomb didn't stop war, and neither has any other weapons development. How can any human being consider a cluster bomb the solution? According to the website, it's a solution for cluster bombs causing civilian casualties; "It's safer", the company argues. But I have a counter argument: IT'S A BOMB! It's not safe! It kills people and ruins lives, destroys families and communities. It is not the solution. The solution is to not drop bombs on people.

If you see me this upcoming week and it looks like my head has exploded, like a cluster bomb has gone off inside my brain and destroyed my capacity to reason... it's because that's exactly what happened... I encountered a contradiction too great to handle.

I planned to do a lot of my readings for this week when I sat down on the computer. Instead I'm here writing a blog entry, after already spending an hour and a half on www.goodreads.com.

Today was a pretty eventful day: I saw a cat pee on a lady's leg while riding the bus and a man shoplift a package of chicken breast from the store. I met seven new people and forgot all of their names, and I looked through my over priced, used, pocket handbook for the DSM IV TR (to make sure I really get it down in time for "the man" to change everything when the new edition comes out).

Reading the DSM gave me the idea to go back to a textbook from first year: Goldstein and Noonan's Short-Term Treatment and Social Work Practice . So here I am, writing a blog and reading a social work textbook not assigned for class this week, but I'm having fun. I'm having fun because I'm picking out my favorite defense mechanisms.

I'm a fan of projection; not so much in my own life, but of watching other people use it. I don't like displacement, because it gets really confusing and who can say what feelings are really being displaced? It kinda seems to me like making a value judgment on someone's emotions. Then again, there's times when it's obvious that it's happening. Last week a person I know was criticized about a piece of their artwork. They relayed the story for me, and as soon as they were done, placed a negative value judgment on another person's artwork (not on the skill, but on the topic of the piece). To me, this looked like displacement, because they felt hurt and angered about the judgment on their piece and displaced that onto someone else's.

I'm a huge fan of intellectualization, and I use it regularly, as well as rationalization and sublimation. Sublimation is one thing that has brought me into Social Work. Taking my own struggles and negative aspects of my history and using the energy from them to drive myself to change the world feels like progress.

Maybe I should get back on that track now and do some more preparation for class this week.